We had a gig a few days ago.
It all started when we turned up to the dimly lit venue that was up the STEEPEST flight of stairs ever and smelt like Jagerbombs and chicken (due it its location being over one of those Chicken-Kebab shops).
NOTE: Remember the STEEPEST flight of stairs ever. They come back into play a bit later.
There was a back-room where all the bands playing could dump their stuff and we noticed that several bands had left their mark on the wall. Zer0 happened to be carrying a bottle of fake blood in his bag (as you do. I suppose it’s better than a bottle of REAL blood, which just leads to so many other questions such as whose blood is that?? and D: WHY DUDE WHY?? D: ) so we uncapped a Sharpie, scrawled our name and splashed it in red finery that rolled down the wallpaper. If you’re ever playing in that venue at you happen to see a wall with band names and spot CRIME SCENE YEAH written in what could have been the aftermath of a violent crime, you now know when we were there.
And then, it was time. Clutching out instruments, drumsticks or selves, we stepped into the warm spotlights on the stage. Spike wet his lips and looked into the audience. Phats counted us in and then, we were off. Somewhere, angels wept as teenagers applied eyeliner and made out to music that would change their lives forever…
That wasn’t this gig.
Still, we were pretty freakin’ sweet. Extra special props go to our new drummer Phats, who had literally joined us a week previous and had two practices (three, if you include his audition) with us before we were all 😀 OK YOU’RE GOOD TO GO GET ON THE STAGE!! 😀
When we were done, we were loading out our shit which was when I decided to take a swandive down the world’s fucking STEEPEST flight of stairs EVER /o\
Cue: fucked up knees, a battered shoulder and what was, in hindsight, probably a concussion.
Of course, we’re CRIME SCENE YEAH. We don’t let things like head injuries get in the way of life!! And despite what Zer0 said later, I totally made that heavy oak door I landed on my bitch.
When my triple vision had reduced down to merely double, we climbed into a taxi and made our merry way to a house party Spike had been invited to. I dragged along a poor fellow who’d come to our gig, partly because I’d whacked my hand on the way down the stairs and my fingers had clamped shut around his hand as he’d helped me up.
So we stepped into the house and were all WASSSSSUUP?????
Spike took over as DJ and played that song from The Host on repeat about 50 times. Meanwhile Zer0 was outside sharing a smoke with a lovely German woman who had been walking past when he struck up a conversation with her. Phats was holding court in the kitchen, while Wotsit and I had a heart-to-heart in the bathroom while I took a little rest in the bathtub. (Who knew? Ke$ha was on to something!)
At about 1am, Spike, Wotsit and I had to run back to the venue to pick up our amps, which we’d lent out to the other bands. We shoved them in a taxi and took them to the friend’s house we were leaving them at and then Wotsit suddenly made the rather excellent point of UH HEY, NOT TO BE BUZZ KILL BUT I HAVE NO IDEA WHERE WE ARE DO EITHER OF YOU KNOW THE WAY BACK TO THE PARTY?
Me and Spike were all …. um… no…. but OH HAI THE TAXI’S STILL HERE! \o/
We quickly climbed back in the taxi and gave the driver the address. He gave us a funny look which we couldn’t understand until he drove us LITERALLY AROUND THE CORNER and said “OK, here you are.”
Whoops. Our geography-challengedness could be a problem when we go on tour…
Back in the party, we discovered we’d just missed out on pizza. Spike and I were all 😡 😡 WTF THAT SHIT IS NOT COOL 😡 😡 and started raiding the kitchen cupboards. We struck gold with a full 6-pack of Hula Hoops. Meanwhile, Phats was creating up some incredibly potent mixtures of whatever alcohol he could find and offering it out to anyone daft enough to accept it.
It felt like the party was starting to get going when we all got kicked out, possibly because the owner realised she didn’t know half the people in her house? Phats remembered that he had work in the morning and so left us at this point. Meanwhile, Zer0, Wotsit and I headed to an off-licence as one of the other kicked-out guests offered up his house to continue LE PAR-TAY. Just as we were leaving, I got a phone call from Spike, who we suddenly realised wasn’t with us.
“Oh my God, I’ve found another party!! You guys have to come here, it’s AMAZING!!” he said, reeling off an address.
Party #2 had about 10 people milling around outside and an open front door so with a shrug, we walked in.
“I hope this is the right house,” Zer0 said. There were people EVERYWHERE and the house was tiny.
We found Spike in the kitchen, gyrating around on top of the counters with an inflatable barbell getting as huge a reception as if he was Jenna Jameson. He spotted us standing in the corner, three perfect expressions of O___O and D: and
“Hey, you guys made it!!” he said, jumping down off the counter (and getting a few yells of protest from his audience).
Zer0 pointed out that the house seemed a little over-capacity and then asked Spike who he knew who’d invited him to this one and Spike was all 😀 😀 NO ONE!! 😀 😀
And we were all O__O …. so we’ve literally gatecrashed a random party?
And Spike was all 😀 PRETTY MUCH YEAH 😀
“OK, let’s just blend. Look like we’re supposed to be here,” I said.
I should point out at this point we were still wearing our stage clothes – Spike was in skinny fits, leather jacket and combat boots. Wotsit looked like he’d just crawled out of the 1980’s London punk-scene. Zer0 was a cyber-punk gentleman. I was wearing my old school uniform with a punk-pedo-bait twist (not to mention the bloody knees and torn tights).
And we’d just gatecrashed a hippy party where the theme was ‘circus’
Spike just shrugged and was all LOOK IT’S COOL DUDE, THEY’RE LETTING ANYONE IN and then disappeared again, getting swallowed up in the crowds of people.
Suddenly, there was all this commotion in the main hallway because the girl who the house belonged to was throwing someone out who didn’t want to leave.
The girl was all D:< GTFO MY HOUSE ASSHOLE D:<
and he was all NO WAY BITCH!!! *KICKS IN FRONT DOOR*
and Zer0 and I were all O: OMG QUICK, SHE NEEDS BACKUP!! *JUMPS IN TO YELL AT THE GUY TO GET OUT*
“I’m not normally like that!!” she sobbed later onto my shoulder as Zer0 patted her head and offered her a drink. “I just… he was being SUCH a dick, you know?!”
“You’re totally right,” I said. “You should just forget about him and enjoy the rest of your night….eh, morning.”
She gave us both hugs and was all :’) I’M SO GLAD YOU GUYS ARE HERE :’) and thankfully didn’t ask us any other questions such as WHO ARE YOU? or WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE?
We milled around for a bit, enjoying the party – everyone there was super friendly and no one seemed to mind that we’d got the theme wrong. By the time the sun started to rise, we decided it was time to leave. I left Zer0 and Wotsit outside and went to find Spike but then got lassoed with a hula hoop into group wave-simulation of peace and love and/or rebirth. I’m not sure, to be honest. It was lovely to be involved in what was basically a giant group hug with strangers making wave-noises. 😐
Finally, I managed to duck out the group and EVENTUALLY found Spike in the middle of the living room giving a sermon to a roomful of girls staring adoringly at him.
“DUDE, WE’RE GOING!” I yelled.
He was… a little reluctant. His disciples didn’t look to happy to see me take him away either. FINALLY though, we got out the house and had to sprint across Brighton to catch the first train home. (Stupidly, when Spike said he knew the way, we listened to him.)
It was about 6am by the time we staggered back in Spike’s house and crawled into various beds. We were all OMG SLEEP BED 😀 😀 I’M GOING TO SLEEP FOR THE NEXT 20 YEARS 😀 and then at about 10am, my stomach was all LOL NO WAY, GET UP I’M HUNGRY.
I jumped on Zer0’s bed yelling FEED ME MOTHERFUCKER ):< and waking up Spike and Wotsit in the process, who then all realised that, oh yeah, the last time any of us had eating was well over 15 hours ago and yeah, that food thing might be an idea.
And then Zer0 pointed out he had a voucher for a free burger at McDonalds and we were all DONE.
While we curled up in a booth at McDonalds (still all wearing our stage-clothes from last night) in various states of hung-over, still vaguely concussed and just sleep deprived in general, we looked around all the many MANY families who were enjoying a McDonalds. Small children were running around, playing and shrieking with delight while their parents gave us worried/dirty looks.
“You know what we need to do?” Spike said.
“What?” we asked.
So yeah, then THAT happened. We had the entire arena to ourselves, which was just as well because by that point, I smelt like something that had crawled into a dumpster and died three days in the middle of the hottest days of summer. Teams were me and Spike vs Wotsit and Zer0, and we TOTALLY kicked their asses (and probably our victory would have been a lot more impressive if I hadn’t kept shooting Spike by mistake… yeah… mistake…)
Then there were victory blue slush puppies all round and several games of DDR in the arcade.
Because that’s how we roll.
– XOXO MISSCHERRYBOMB